


tell me in sadness, who is that you love.

by michelle_does



Category: Romeo & Juliet - Takarazuka Revue, Romeo And Juliet - All Media Types, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare
Genre: Character Death, Death, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, general yikeness????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29846955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michelle_does/pseuds/michelle_does
Summary: oh boy an au that revolves around the duel and tybalt surviving due to benvolio's intervention. the after-effects of this are sure something!cw: this is pretty dark with descriptions of death, suicidal thought and ideation, and bloodalso it's just like real dark i gotta say that again please venture at your own risk
Relationships: Benvolio Montague/Tybalt
Kudos: 3





	tell me in sadness, who is that you love.

As he was thrown against it, Benvolio’s racing heart made him numb to the pain of hitting the wall. Or maybe he was too used to it at this point, either way he wasn’t sure. He attempted to catch his breath but was out of time as Tybalt came back into his view. Benvolio shot a quick smile at toward him as he leaned over Benvolio, placing a hand on the wall. At this distance Benvolio could feel Tybalt’s breath on his own face. Their eyes met, the two who were meant to be enemies, neither wanted to look away.

 _“Benvolio!”_ he could still hear the sound of Mercutio calling his name in his ears. Suddenly his vision was filled with the image of a very different Tybalt, one that was crouched over something Benvolio couldn’t quite see.

He shook his head to remove the image from his mind, instead placing a hand firmly behind Tybalt’s head and pressed their lips together. Benvolio could feel himself become flush with the wall as he pulled Tybalt into him. This was the Tybalt he wanted, the one he reminded himself was real and really in front of him now.

 _“I am hurt…”_ The words continued to haunt Benvolio despite his best efforts. He pushed passed Tybalt for a moment, attempting once more to shake the scene from his mind. Benvolio inhaled sharply as Tybalt grabbed him and threw him toward the wall once more. Things would be okay, they would be better, even if only for tonight.

~~~~~~

“Romeo, stop!” Benvolio pushed him out of the way. His only living best friend was standing in front of him now with a dagger in one hand and a determined look on his face. Tears had dried on his cheeks but Benvolio could see them starting to return to his eyes.

“Why should I?” The hurt in his voice covered the alley, “Why would I let him walk away from what he’s done?” Benvolio grabbed Romeo’s shoulders, digging his heels in place to prevent either of them from moving further. They stared at each other for what felt like forever, neither one moving. Romeo let out a long sigh and pressed his head into Benvolio’s chest.

“He’s gone… He’s dead…” he quietly sobbed. Benvolio released his heels from the earth and placed a gentle hand on Romeo’s back. He looked to Tybalt behind him who was hunched over the body of Mercutio. Benvolio wanted to scream, cry, do something, but he couldn’t now.

“I know,” he whispered to Romeo, “but killing someone else won’t bring him back.”

“Juliet…” Romeo mumbled, “I have to go - I have to get her away from here.”

“What are you talking about?” 

“She’s not safe here… around him, around this. She needs to be somewhere else.” The determination has returned to Romeo’s face.

“Where will you go? How will you get there?” Benvolio was trying to keep him level-headed.

“We can just leave and figure it out as we go,” Romeo was deep in thought as he said it, his mind was far from here. Benvolio knew there was no use trying to convince him to stay at this point. As he looked over at Tybalt once more he saw the fear filling his eyes. Whatever happened next, Benvolio needed to be careful about it. His mind began racing through a thousand different scenarios, trying to pick the best solution.

“Well... if that is what you want,” Benvolio started, “then who am I to stop you. I’ve stood by many of your decisions Romeo and I will stand by you for this last one.” Romeo nodded knowingly at him and they shared a final hug farewell. Benvolio watched him as he ran from the square and down the road, far from Verona. He hoped for his safety, feeling the air catch in his throat as his best friend disappeared from sight.

Turning in a flash and thinking even quicker Benvolio ran to Tybalt. He had composed himself considerably since the duel but was still quite shaken. Benvolio stashed the blade that was stained with Mercutio’s blood. He took out a cloth from his pocket and quickly wiped down Tybalt’s hands.

“What are you doing?” Tybalt asked softly as he pulled his hands away. Benvolio did his best not to look at Mercutio’s body beside them, but he couldn’t ignore the only other presence in the alleyway.

“We’re leaving,” he said plainly, standing above Tybalt. Benvolio waited a moment before grabbing Tybalt by the shoulders and pulling him to stand in front of him. He didn’t know how much time they had before someone showed up and saw them standing by a dead body. But Tybalt wasn’t moving, he just stood there seemingly emotionless to the scene in front of him. Benvolio tried waving a hand in front of his face to get his attention, but there was no response. He tried pulling his arm but Tybalt’s legs were firmly planted in the ground, there was no moving him any further from here without him wanting to. Instead he just stood there, staring at nothing, his face worn from the earlier events.

Looking down Benvolio could see Mercutio’s bloodied, lifeless body once more. He’d done everything he could to save him and failed. Nobody else needed to suffer this fate, dying in the streets over something so stupid. He did everything he could to save Romeo. Now he would do everything he could to save them, the two remaining here. But Tybalt wasn’t letting him. Why was he so stubborn, why didn’t he just let him help? Benvolio tried to pull Tybalt by the arm again but fell to the ground beside Mercutio, dipping his hand in the now-drying blood.

For the first time that day, Benvolio let himself be angry, scared, and every other emotion he’d been pushing away. He let himself cry a few tears for a few moments before composing himself. Wiping his own hand clean of blood he looked to Tybalt who was still standing stoically. Benvolio took a deep breath and walked forward, as close to Tybalt as he possibly could. But there was no reaction at all, not even the smallest flinch. Benvolio placed his hand behind Tybalt’s head, wrapping his hair between his fingers. From this distance he could see each line of worry and tear stain the duel had left him with. Tybalt’s eyes finally shifted from their unfocused stare and directly into Benvolio’s. 

There was a silence in the alley, the deafening conclusion of everything that had happened. It was unbelievable that the two hadn’t killed each other, surely what Tybalt had been expecting. Benvolio knew he couldn’t take back anything that happened or was going to happen. He knew that all of this couldn’t be undone. He began to take another deep breath before making one more irreversible decision. But before he could, Tybalt leaned forward and placed his lips on his. Benvolio hadn’t been prepared for him to react at all, let alone react like this. As Tybalt reached for his shirt collar Benvolio broke away.

“We need to leave,” Benvolio said firmly. He pulled Tybalt along with him toward the end of the alleyway. His mind was racing, unsure of what had just happened, but at least he’d gotten Tybalt to follow him. They looked down the street for the easiest way out, Benvolio knew where they were going, but not how to get there without drawing attention.

“You two, stop there.” A voice shouted the command from the opposite end of the alley.

~~~~~~

Benvolio awoke in a sweat, his heart racing. He quickly looked around and was reminded that he was safely in bed, a sleeping Tybalt beside him. It had been over a month since they started staying here, since the events of his dream. But that didn’t make reliving those events any easier. He turned over to try and catch more sleep but found his mind wandering instead.

He thought of Romeo and where he may be. Did he know what they’d done? Was he safely hidden away? Benvolio assumed that if something had happened to Romeo then he would be one of the first to know. He had to live under the assumption that he was okay.

Restlessly, Benvolio turned over again. He watched as Tybalt’s chest rose and fell with every breath. This was the man who killed Mercutio in front of him, and yet the same man who Benvolio helped cover up a murder for. He had no investment in Tybalt before that day but here they were, somehow, spending every minute together since. Benvolio didn’t know if he loved him or if he just felt a strange combination of obligation to be here mixed with care for him. Was it even possible to love someone that took the most from him?

“Nightmares again?” Tybalt muttered lazily as he turned to face Benvolio. He nodded, taking a deep breath to calm himself. Wordlessly, Tybalt pulled Benvolio into his chest. Despite everything that had happened, despite how short of a time it had been, Benvolio felt comforted by moments like this. He listened to Tybalt’s beating heart, the constant reminder that he was here with him in the moment. 

These were the times that Benvolio let himself break down ever so slightly. He felt the small tears slowly escape his eyes despite his best efforts to reel them in. He could feel the pain radiate from his own heart and run through his veins, a toxicity he wasn’t ready to cleanse. Brushing away his tears, Benvolio ran his hands over Tybalt. His fingers traced the muscles gained from years of fighting anyone he could on the streets. Benvolio let himself fall into Tybalt’s grasp as he placed his lips on his neck. This was far from the solution to his problems but Benvolio was less concerned with that and more focused on even a moment more of temporary happiness with the man in front of him. 

~~~~~~

“Benvolio,” Tybalt spoke slowly, softly, while grasping his hands and staring into his eyes, “there’s something important I need to ask you.” Benvolio braced himself for whatever was next. The last two months had been relatively easy to get through, aside from the nightmares. He knew they were both having them even if Tybalt didn’t want to admit it. But Benvolio saw him sometimes yelling or even crying in his sleep. He knew that look well and there was no denying that something was following him into his subconscious. And yet, despite all of this, he wasn’t prepared for what Tybalt said next.

“I need you to kill me.”

All at once the world stopped turning. Benvolio felt breathless, like the poison in his heart had finally stopped it completely. He looked back at Tybalt for what felt like hours, waiting for an explanation. But instead he just saw the face he knew so well staring back at him, waiting for his reply.

“Of course not.” he hurriedly spit out the answer. There was no world where he could see himself killing the last thing he had in his life. The very last person dear to him. How could he be asking him for such a thing?

“Okay,” Tybalt replied with eyes full of betrayal, “Then I’ll turn myself in. Either way I’ll die and it will be an equal trade for Mercutio’s life. I just thought… it would feel less daunting for you to do.” He stood and began walking for the door. 

Benvolio stood just as quickly, running to pull him back. Tybalt spun on his heel, facing Benvolio, with a fury in his eyes. It was a look he hadn’t seen since the duel. Benvolio was unsure how to react or how quickly. Before he could make another move Tybalt had placed a hand on his throat, pinning him to the wall. Benvolio tried to place a hand on Tybalt’s waist, pulling him in closer, but had his hand swatted away instantly. The fury in his eyes wasn’t leaving and his grip on Benvolio’s throat continued to tighten.

Suddenly Benvolio was no longer staring into Tybalt’s furious eyes but at the pointed end of a dagger, the same blade that killed Mercutio. He felt the sweat pour from his brow as he quickly tried to evaluate what was happening.

“I could kill you,” Tybalt spat at him, “I could kill you here, just like I killed that Montague trash. You see it, you feel it.” This man was someone different than Benvolio had come to know. His head was spinning at the stark difference between this version of Tybalt and the man that he’d shared a bed with for months now.

“You won’t,” Benvolio sputtered out as Tybalt’s grip tightened, “You’d never do it. That’s... not... you.” It was getting harder to breathe but if he moved he might run into the blade in front of him. He had to trust that Tybalt would give up soon enough as he struggled against the pressure that kept him firmly on the wall. And in that same moment, Benvolio was released.

Tybalt collapsed to the ground, throwing the dagger across the room in frustration. His heavy sobs shook the walls as Benvolio caught his breath. He moved to the ground just as quickly, wrapping his arms around Tybalt as he cried.

“I’m sorry,” Tybalt repeated the words several times as Benvolio held him. There wasn’t anything he could say or do at this point besides hold him. Whatever had happened today was terrible, a fluke, or at least that’s what Benvolio convinced himself. He couldn’t consider the alternative.

~~~~~~

Shaking away the nightmare from last night, Benvolio reached for Tybalt next to him. But instead he was greeted by an empty space in the sheets. He sat up recalling the images he’d dreamt of: the bloody dagger, Tybalt’s corpse, the last request. He shook his head to erase them from his memory and got dressed to try and find where Tybalt had gone off to. As he opened the door he saw Tybalt standing in front of him holding an envelope.

“What do you have there?” Benvolio asked, looking at the envelope.

“It’s from them,” Tybalt looked distraught, he’d clearly open the letter before coming back inside. But Benvolio couldn’t quite place why he was so upset.

“Are they okay?” Benvolio motioned for the letter, “Did something happen?” Tybalt sat on the bed, staring at the floor for a long while. Benvolio sat beside him, waiting for a response.

“They’re… fine.” Tybalt replied without emotion, “Romeo said they’ve settled into a nice place and feel great. He said Juliet’s been looking for work and he’s got a job working at an apothecary. The - The letter’s addressed to you. I’m sorry I opened it but I just wondered if they… if they’d write to me. But from the sound of it they didn’t consider I’d still be around…” He trailed off as he stared at the floorboards. Benvolio was happy to hear Romeo was fine and that none of the after-effects of Mercutio’s death had reached him. But as he looked at Tybalt he could see the sense of loss hit him even harder, his last connection to a Capulet; to Juliet, was now gone.

“They’ll come for me soon,” Tybalt looked at him with the deepest fear in his eyes. Benvolio knew exactly who he meant; the Capulets. It had been months since Juliet went missing. The two of them should have left town at the same time. But Tybalt’s value to his family was overdrawn now, if they wanted him gone they’d come after him. Not everyone associated with the Capulets was as kind-hearted as Tybalt. They couldn’t rely on someone to look the other way as they ran.

At the same time, Benvolio felt a conflicting wave of relief hit him. His last remaining task before everything happened, to take care of Romeo, was complete. Romeo was okay, he was safe, and now Benvolio didn’t need to worry about him. He had an unspoken permission from his best friend to begin to forget, to let go, and focus on his own needs. And despite this relief he now felt an overwhelming responsibility for the man in front of him.

“You don’t know that,” Benvolio half-heartedly attempted to reassure Tybalt against what they both knew to be true. He nervously shot a look at him but could only see Tybalt trying to steady his breath. 

“Please, Benvolio…” Tybalt pleaded slowly and quietly as he grasped the collar of Benvolio’s shirt, “please… my one request. I would rather it be you that end my life.” The tears weighed heavy in the corners of his eyes as Benvolio stared into their depths. He searched for an answer, a reason, anything to tell him why he should deny this request. But the longer he looked at the sight before him, the most vulnerable version of Tybalt he’d ever seen, the more he couldn’t convince even himself. 

He contemplated the future for a while and no matter how many different scenarios he pictured, he couldn’t find one with Tybalt. It was as if something deep inside him was telling him the truth, screaming to him that this was the right choice. Benvolio felt the tears well in his own eyes as he stared back at Tybalt. He tried to shake his head and forget this feeling, the idea of abandoning the man he knew now that he loved. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t shake it.

Benvolio reached out an unsteady hand and pulled Tybalt on top of him. Using all the force he could muster he pushed his face onto Tybalt’s, darting his tongue into his mouth. He wanted to remember this for as long as he could, this final night. Every breath, every move, every time Tybalt pushed him a little too hard, he didn’t want to shake it off this time. Instead of using their bodies as an escape, Benvolio used this moment as a place of comfort. His own racing heartbeat paired with Tybalt’s breath on his neck was a reminder that they were both alive, both present in the moment. As they collapsed into each other’s arms for the night Benvolio wished that somehow he could stop time. He counted Tybalt’s heartbeats as he laid on his chest. He wouldn’t have them for much longer. It was a night he’d remember until his own final moments.

~~~~~~

As Benvolio awoke the next morning he quickly shut his eyes again. He wanted to go back to sleep and keep the day from continuing. There was a stirring beside him as Tybalt carefully placed his head on Benvolio’s chest. In the silence of the morning Benvolio could hear their steady breathing, things felt peaceful. The warmth of Tybalt’s face radiated across the front of Benvolio. Suddenly the peaceful air was cut intermittently by Tybalt’s quiet sobs. Maybe it was fear or just an acceptance of these final moments, but whatever it was it had affected him deeply.

“I’m sorry…” Tybalt whispered into his skin between sobs, “I’m sorry for this.” Benvolio could feel him shake with each sob. He wanted to let him know he was awake, to hold him, and tell him it was okay. But there was no comforting Tybalt, no shielding him from what was going to happen. Either the Capulets would kill him or the authorities would. This was the only other option he had and all Benvolio wanted was to make him happy.

Slowly, Benvolio accepted the day ahead as best he could and opened his eyes. He looked down and placed a hand under Tybalt’s chin, placing their lips together as he held back tears of his own. As the two fell into each other yet again Benvolio recalled that first night they spent together. He had been so afraid then of Tybalt, of what he might do. This was the terrifying man that killed Mercutio in front of him. The man that faced off with him the streets time and time again. 

He had never expected this same man to be so capable of loving him unconditionally while in-turn making Benvolio fall so certainly in love with him. Especially in this short amount of time. They knew everything about each other now, Benvolio felt closer to him than he’d even felt to Romeo. Here, on this morning, any remaining hint of the rough or intimidating Tybalt was gone. Benvolio ran his hands up the smooth skin of Tybalt’s back, placing a hand around his neck. His heart raced as he pulled Tybalt closer to him, their lips dancing melancholically.

 _“Let it be quick,”_ the request from the day before rang through Benvolio’s ears. He reached for the dagger by the bed, throwing his weight on top of Tybalt. Benvolio pulled their faces toward each other with all of his strength, not wanting to lose sight of the life in Tybalt’s eyes. His heart felt like it would leave his chest at the thought of losing this, of stopping everything before him. But the longer the day went on the harder it would be for Benvolio to act. His breath became uneven as he fought back tears.

“I love you,” Tybalt said shakily. Benvolio could feel him tensing, fighting back tears of his own. This wasn’t what he wanted, he hadn’t planned for it to be like this. Mustering all the feelings he’d experienced in the last few months Benvolio pressed his lips to Tybalt’s. He could feel the uneasy balance of life around them as time stood still for this last moment.

“I love you too,” Benvolio returned the feelings, “and that will never change.” He stared into Tybalt’s eyes and their mix of fear and love, something that proved he was alive, staring back at him. Benvolio didn’t stop staring into them as felt the warmth of blood rush over him or when he saw that mixture leave. He froze in time until he knew Tybalt was gone, that he had fulfilled his last request. Gently, Benvolio laid Tybalt’s body onto the bed, placing the sheet on top of him. He looked at the blade still in his hand, it had now seen the blood of one of his best friends and the only man he’d ever loved.

Quickly Benvolio dressed, putting on Tybalt’s red jacket instead of his own. It was too big but he liked the way it looked. He sat on the ground in front of the bed. Now he was alone, truly and entirely alone. He waited for the relief to hit him, something to tell him what he did was right. The room filled with the metallic scent of blood, it was all Benvolio could think of. He became dizzy, trying to clear his thoughts from the evidence of what had just happened.

 _What have I done?_ Benvolio’s mind began to race. Instead of relief he began to flash through the overwhelming feeling of loss and regret. He remembered the day of the duel and how hard he fought against time, against the situation, against even Tybalt himself to make sure they all lived. But what was it worth? To just turn around and do this mere months later?

Distraught, Benvolio stood and ran to the bed, tossing the sheet off of Tybalt’s corpse. That distant and unfocused look in his eyes, Benvolio had seen it before. With tears rushing down his cheeks he tried to kiss Tybalt once more, to get his attention somehow. But the cold body in front of him was unmoving and not responsive to his best efforts. What had he done? Why did he agree to this? Benvolio collapsed to the ground beside Tybalt’s body, incapable of moving himself any further.

Picking up the dagger again Benvolio examined it closely. He placed the end to his throat and closed his eyes, freezing in place. Weakly he tossed the dagger aside, falling into a heap on the ground as he sobbed. The poison that had been stored in his heart was radiating through his veins once more, burning every inch of his body as it did.

Perhaps it was how loud he was crying or maybe he’d truly lost sense of where he was. But either way Benvolio didn’t flinch when the door suddenly opened hours later. Nor did he shy away when the guards that entered grabbed him. Instead Benvolio, who had become numb to so much, nodded quietly as they asked if he killed Tybalt. 

He thought about nothing more than the last night they spent together and their final words until his execution.


End file.
